kheru2006 (kheru2006) wrote,

Dilemma of the single woman

MANY single women in Malaysia bemoan the absence of men in their lives and blame it on their successful careers. They claim that Malaysian men are intimidated by their accomplishments and the fact that they are strong and independent.

But is that true or is there something else that bothers these men? Anecdotal evidence suggests that a growing number of Malaysian men enjoy being in relationships with successful and strong women.

They like having intelligent conversations with their wives or girlfriends and they respect them for being able to stand on their own. So, why are many strong, intelligent and independent women without soulmates?

Let us hear what the guys have to say. Some men are not bothered that the women in their lives are competent in their work, but find it irritating when they bring certain qualities from their careers into the relationships.

For example, they avoid women who are opinionated, decisive and aggressive. They are fine with the idea of women being their equals but they do not want to feel that they are beneath their partners.

They will run quickly when they sense that their girlfriends are trying to control their every move. In other words, guys want to be the “man” in the relationship although some may not act like it.

Women in their 20s, 30s and early 40s may object to this line of thinking, saying that it is archaic, uncool even, to lower their standards to get partners.

The predictable question is, do we need to become a little needier to be in relationships? Women in these age groups have been taught that they are just as good, if not better, than men.

They have fulfilling and well-paid jobs, possess cars, pay rent and sometimes live in their own homes.

They proudly say they are self-reliant, but when they fail to attract the men of their dreams, they look at themselves in the mirror and doubt their self-worth and attractiveness.

Much as they cherish their self-sufficiency and independence, they fear that these qualities have “left men feeling emasculated, unneeded and unappreciated”.

However, Muslim single women believe that Allah decides on the choice of jodoh (mate), according to a recent Universiti Sains Malaysia study.

This makes it easier for them to accept their single status. Some may argue that women can have a perfectly good life without marrying.

They prefer to cohabit because they do not need a piece of paper or a wedding ring to prove to the world they are in love.

And yet, despite this modern approach, many are marrying each other and many more want to marry someone one day, if discussions with relationship experts are any indication.

If the accomplished, strong and independent woman wants to find her man and keep him, she may have to be a little vulnerable and let the man she is after feel important and wanted.

She must take down the walls she has built that make her feel secure and self-sufficient to show him she is ready to be part of that husband-and-wife team.  
The NST Editorial 24 January 2016 @ 11:07 AM
Tags: women
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