JULY 31 — When we take a look at each other in our life, we see that there’s not much different between us actually. We use the same language and maybe dialect, and we breathe regularly. There are numbers of ways that we are different, some of which are physically, where some are tall and others are short, however a significant number of them need to do with conduct.
Among the core aspects of personality found by psychologists and a standout amongst the trademark is agreeableness or appropriateness. It reflects how important it is for us to get along with others. If we are pleasant, make our life and the people around us happy and warmly towards us. And if we are not pleasing, then we don’t really care much about how the people around us feel about us.
We might say that being agreeable is generally a good thing and that being disagreeable is not. If we are disagreeable, we may get people angry with us or we might turn off our friends.
Disagreeable people may come off as judgmental or cold. But people who are highly agreeable are often too nice. And that can be a huge problem.
If we are highly agreeable, we do want other people to like us. We may not want to say things to other people that might upset them. We will not be ourselves in lots of situations. We may not want telling others that we are not interested in going to an event that they want to attend. We may not tell others that they have upset us too.
Nice people often speak indirectly when they want to criticise or to disagree. If you and your friends are deciding on a plan, and someone suggests something that you don’t enjoy doing, don’t say something vague like, “I guess that is ok or that’s not what I want to do.” Be more direct, just say what you mean. It is ok to say, “I don’t enjoy that.” You may not always get your way, but at least your opinion will be known.
Rather putting ourselves in a position resenting others, find some ways to communicate with them. When we don’t express ourselves directly, we may end up resenting people who always get their way.
Writing can help. When we write a note or email to someone else, we distance ourselves from their direct reaction. That can be helpful for starting a difficult conversation. While it is always better to speak to someone directly than to write to them, it is better to write than to say nothing at all. Write what you can’t say.
We may assume the worst, in when we are afraid that our saying might offend someone. We would believe that someone else will take what we have to say in the worst possible way. We fear of negative reaction.
In those cases, get a neutral friend and explain the situation. Talk to them on what we plan to say and get their reaction. Sometimes, engaging true friends may suggest other ways of approaching the interaction. But, often, your friends will help you to realise that your complaint is not going to cause a huge rift. That can give you the confidence to say what you need to say.
The key is to make sure that you communicate with people as directly as possible. When you are a nice person, communication can be difficult. But, in the end, it will make our relationships stronger.
Azizi Ahmad is an educator. The Malaymail Online What You Think Sunday July 31, 2016 07:47 PM GMT+8
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