kheru2006 (kheru2006) wrote,
kheru2006
kheru2006

An airline with a sense of humor




 An airline with a sense of humor

 Kulula is a low-cost South-African airline that doesn't take itself too seriously. 

 WHAT  A PITY KULULA DOESN'T FLY INTERNATIONALLY -  WE SHOULD SUPPORT THEM IF  ONLY FOR THEIR HUMOUR  - SO TYPICALLY SOUTH AFRICAN.

 Kulula is an Airline with head office situated in Johannesburg. Kulula airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight   "safety lecture" and announcements a bit  more entertaining. Here  are some  real examples that have been heard or reported:
On  a Kulula flight, (there is no assigned  seating, you just sit where you  want)  passengers were apparently having a hard time  choosing, when  a flight attendant announced,  "People, people we're not picking out Furniture here, find a seat and get in it!"

 On another  flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said,  "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and  will be  turning down the cabin lights. This is  for your comfort and to enhance  the  appearance of your flight  attendants."

On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure  to take all of your belongings.. If  you're going  to leave anything, please make sure it's  something  we'd like to  have.
      
"There  may be 50  ways to leave your lover, but there  are only 4 ways out of this airplane."

"Thank  you  for flying Kulula. We hope you enjoyed  giving us the business as much as  we enjoyed  taking you for a ride."

As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at  Durban Airport , a lone voice came over the loudspeaker:  "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"

 After a  particularly rough landing  during thunderstorms  in the Karoo, a flight attendant on a flight  announced,  "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that,  sure as hell  everything has  shifted."

From  a Kulula employee: " Welcome aboard Kulula  271 to Port Elizabeth.  To operate your seat belt, insert the  metal tab into the buckle, and  pull tight. It  works just like every other seat belt; and, if  you  don't know how to operate one, you probably  shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."

"In  the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from  the ceiling.  Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over  your  face. If you have a small child traveling  with you, secure your mask  before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one   small child, pick your  favorite!

Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some  broken clouds, but we'll try to  have them  fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and  remember, nobody  loves you, or your money,  more than Kulula   Airlines."

"Your   seats cushions can be used for flotation; and in  the event of an  emergency water landing,  please paddle to shore and take them with our   compliments."

"As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of  your belongings.  Anything left behind will be  distributed evenly among the flight  attendants.  Please do not leave children or  spouses."
 
And from  the pilot during his welcome message:  "Kulula Airlines is pleased to  announce that we  have some of the best flight attendants  in The  industry. Unfortunately, none of  them are on this   flight!"

Heard on Kulula 255 just after a very hard landing in Cape Town :  The flight  attendant came on the intercom and said, "That  was  quite a bump and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it  wasn't the  airlines' fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it  wasn't  the flight attendant's' fault, it was the asphalt."
     
Overheard  on a Kulula flight into  Cape  Town , on a particularly  windy and bumpy day: During the  final approach, the Captain really had to  fight it. After an extremely hard landing,  the Flight Attendant said, "Ladies And   Gentlemen, welcome to The Mother City. Please  remain in your seats  with your seat belts  fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the  gate!"

Another   flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask  you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us  to the terminal."

An airline pilot  wrote that on this particular  flight he had hammered his ship into the  runway  really hard. The airline had a policy which  required the first officer to stand at the door  while the passengers exited, smile,  and  give them a "Thanks for flying our airline. He  said that, in  light of his bad landing, he had a  hard time looking the passengers in  the eye,  thinking that someone would have a smart comment.
         

 Finally  everyone had gotten off except for a  little old lady walking with a  cane. She said,  "Sir, do you mind if I ask you a  question?"   "Why, no Ma'am," said the  pilot. "What is it?" The little old lady   said, "Did we land, or were we shot  down?"

After  a  real crusher of a landing in Johannesburg , the attendant came on with,  "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until  Captain  Crash and the Crew have brought the  aircraft to a screeching halt  against the  gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and  the  warning bells are silenced, we will  open the door and you can pick your  way through  the wreckage to the  terminal."

 Part   of a flight attendant's arrival announcement:  "We'd like to thank  you folks for flying  with us today.. And, the next time you get   the insane urge to go blasting through the  skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope  you'll think of Kulula Airways."

 

 Heard on a  Kulula flight. "Ladies and gentlemen,  if you wish to smoke, the smoking  section  on this airplane is on the wing.. If you can  light 'em,  you can smoke  'em."  

A plane was taking off from Durban Airport .  After it reached  a comfortable cruising  altitude, the captain made an announcement  over  the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this  is your captain  speaking.

Welcome to Flight  Number 293, non-stop from Durban to Cape Town, the weather ahead  is good and, therefore, we should have a  smooth  and uneventful flight.. Now sit back and  relax... OH, MY  GOODNESS!"  Silence followed, and after a few minutes,  the captain  came back on the intercom and  said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry  if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to  you, the flight  attendant accidentally spilled a  cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should  see the  front of my pants!" A passenger then yelled,  "That's  nothing. You should see the back of  mine!"

via "Sharifah Khatijah Syed Abdul Rahman Al-Attas"
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