February 12th, 2010

English - Oh Dear

You may have read it but I am sure not all the way to Germs.
 Thought you would enjoy this.


We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes, 
But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes. 
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese, 
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese. 
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice, 
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice. 

If the plural of man is always called men, 
Then shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen? 
If I speak of my foot and show you my feet, 
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet? 
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth, 
Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth? 

Then one may be that, and three would be those, 
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose, 
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose. 
We speak of a brother and also of brethren, 
But though we say mother, we never say methren. 
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him, 
But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim! 

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. 
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; 
neither apple nor pine in pineapple. 
English muffins weren't invented in England .. 
We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes, 
we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, 
and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. 

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, 
grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? 
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend. 
If you have a bunch of odds and ends 
and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? 

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? 
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? 
Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English 
should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. 

In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? 
We ship by truck but send cargo by ship. 
We have noses that run and feet that smell. 
We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway. 
And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, 
while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? 

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language 
in which your house can burn up as it burns 
down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, 
and in which an alarm goes off by going on. 

And, in closing, if Father is Pop,  how come Mother's not Mop? 



10 Commandments of Marriage


1st Commandment

Marriages are made in heaven.But so again, are thunder and lightning.

2nd Commandment

If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

3rd Commandment

Marriage is grand -- and divorce is at least 100 grand!

4th Commandment

Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

5th Commandment

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing:
Either the car is new or the wife is.

6th Commandment

Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

7th Commandment

Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you said. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.

8th Commandment

Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.

9th Commandment

Every woman wants a man who is handsome,understanding, economical and a considerate lover, but again, the law allows only one husband.

10th Commandment

Man is incomplete until he marries. After that, he is finished.

Bonus Commandment Story

A long married couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The wife decided to make a wish too ... But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned for a moment but then smiled, "It really works"

via "Sharifah Khatijah Syed Abdul Rahman Al-Attas"