March 16th, 2012

Difference between Complete & Finished

No English dictionary has been able to explain the difference between the two words 'complete' and 'finished' in a way that's so easy to understand.
 
Some people say there is no difference between COMPLETE & FINISHED but there is:
 
When you marry the right one, you are COMPLETE....
 
And when you marry the wrong one, you are FINISHED.....
 
And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are .. COMPLETELY FINISHED !!!
 

Courtesy of nazim328@yahoo.com

Achar and his new BMW

Achar Singh buys the new Automatic BMW X8 sport. He drives the car perfectly well during the day, but at night it just won’t move at all. He tries driving the car at night for a week but still no luck. He then furiously calls the BMW dealers and they send out a technician to him, the technician asks: “Sir, are you sure you are using the right gears?” 

Golfing in Thailand

When you decide to join your buddies for golf in Thailand , here are some typical scenarios…


'Honey, can I go to Thailand with my friends to play golf for a week?'
 
The reaction will depend on the level of trust she has in you.
 
1) Complete trust:
   'Sure, go and have a good time with your friends. I heard the golf courses there are fantastic. I'll book the flight and hotel for you'.
 
2) Incomplete trust with a benefit of doubt:
'Yes, but please confine to the 18 holes on the golf course and have plenty of rest at night.'
 
3) Incomplete trust with one eye closed:
   'Don't do anything which I would not approve.'
 Crazy Tiger
4) No trust at all but has accepted the reality:
    'I'll pack the condom and viagra for you. Be careful, you are not young anymore.'
 
5) No trust and high level of suspicion:
  'I will also go and keep you company at night.'
 
6) Absolutely no trust:
   'Of course you can but first let me do this..........'

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Don't tell me I didn't warned you !

But then you still can go back and try out this on your PC's 


Mouse for use .....

Dead Duck

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she lay her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm so sorry, your pet has passed away."

The distressed owner wailed, "Are you sure? "Yes,I'm sure. The duck is dead," he replied. 
"How can you be so sure", she protested. "I mean, you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."
The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room.
He returned a few moments later with a black Labrador Retriever.
As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.
The vet patted the dog and took it out and returned a few moments later with a beautiful cat. 
The cat jumped up on the table and also sniffed the bird from its beak to its tail and back again. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly, jumped down and strolled out of the room.
The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."
Then the vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys, and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman. The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. 
"$150!" she cried. "$150 just to tell me my duck is dead?!!"
The vet shrugged. "I'm sorry. If you'd taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20. But what with the LabReport and the Cat Scan, it all add's up."