June 13th, 2012

Jaga emosi suami anda

SETIAP isteri sering mendambakan kata-kata cinta dan sayang yang lahir daripada mulut suami masing-masing hampir setiap hari.

Sebagaimana isteri, suami juga sebenarnya mempunyai keinginan yang serupa. Mereka ingin dibelai manja dan juga 'disimbahi' dengan kata-kata sayang daripada isteri mereka.

Mungkin cara setiap individu adalah berbeza dari segi pengucapan dan ada di kalangan isteri yang jarang-jarang memberi pengucapan kata-kata itu kepada suami masing-masing melainkan si suami terlebih dahulu mengucapkan kata-kata hikmat itu.

Ini kerana ada di kalangan isteri yang malu untuk menzahirkan ucapan sayang akibat daripada runtunan perasaan yang berbelah bahagi, malu untuk melakukannya mahupun atas rasa ego dan merasakan tidak penting kata-kata berkenaan berbanding pengucapan yang terlahir daripada mulut suami.

Sebenarnya, menzahirkan perasaan sayang itu bukan hanya sekadar daripada kata-kata. Sekiranya sebagai seorang isteri anda malu atau tidak mudah untuk menzahirkan kata-kata itu ia sebenarnya boleh diperlihatkan menerusi perbuatan.

Anda juga boleh menunjukkan rasa sayang anda dengan melakukan beberapa perkara asas:

1. Hormati dia

Cara yang paling berkesan untuk membuktikan cinta ialah belajar menghormati dia khususnya di depan sanak saudara. Buatlah sesuatu yang baik untuk membuktikan anda menyayangi suami anda dan jangan sesekali memperlakukan yang anda lebih berkuasa daripada dia di depan orang lain

Sentiasalah menjaga maruah dan 'air muka' suami anda.

Sekiranya di dalam telefon pun tidak perlulah anda bercakap dengan nada sinis mahupun garang kepada suami anda seolah-olah untuk menunjukkan kuasa anda kerana anda tahu pada masa itu orang yang berhampiran dengan anda dapat mendengarnya. Jangan sesekali memperlihatkan suami anda dayus di depan anda.

2. Sentiasa meminatinya

Kata-kata seperti "saya suka tubuh abang" atau " abang ni kelakarlah", umpama pujian yang meresap ke dalam tubuhnya. Siapa yang tidak sukakan pujian tambahan pula ia dikeluarkan oleh insan yang dicintainya.

3. Biar dia mendengar pujian anda

Katakanlah anda sedang berbicara dengan rakan-rakan di rumah, sesekali pujilah suami anda dan biarkan dia mendengarnya sebaik apabila dia melintas di belakang anda. Pastinya dia berasa senang dengan pujian anda itu.

4. Tinggalkan segalanya

Sebaik dia pulang ke pejabat atau berada di rumah, fokuskan diri anda hanya untuk dia. Jauhkan diri daripada komputer, tutup televisyen, biarkan anak-anak anda bermain sendiri, berhenti memasak dan berikan tumpuan sepenuhnya untuk dia dalam beberapa minit. Ini pastinya memberikan suami anda terasa diutamakan.

Ini tidak, ada di kalangan isteri yang asyik menonton televisyen sedangkan suaminya sudah melangkah kaki ke dalam rumah baru pulang dari kerja.

5. Perasan akan kekuatannya

''Tolong bang, ketatlah balang ini" atau "abang kuatlah boleh membukanya," atau ''cantiklah cat ini, sesuai abang pilih," adalah contoh berbentuk pujian ikhlas yang boleh menyebabkan suami anda berasa dihargai dan disayangi.

Namun jangan sesekali memuji 'palsu' suami anda dengan harapan untuk mendapatkan sesuatu. Dia boleh mengetahuinya.

6. Maafkan kelemahannya, terima seadanya

Semua daripada kita mempunyai kelemahan masing-masing. Maafkan kelemahan suami anda dan terima dia seadanya dan jangan gunakan kelemahannya untuk menentangnya.

7. Jangan bandingkan

Jangan sesekali bandingkan suami anda dengan lelaki lain. Golongan Adam ini masing-masing mempunyai kelemahan dan kekuatan tersendiri. Jika selalu sangat membandingkan suami anda dengan lelaki lain, dia akan terasa kelemahannya dan akan timbul emosi negatif dan menjarakkan hubungan dengan anda.

Sumber: Utusan Malaysia Online Keluarga 05/06/2012

The Educated Uneducated: The true meaning of education

I REFER to the letters "High in education, low in virtue" from Dr Elizabeth Joseph and "What do you say when an engineer punches an ATM?" from Jeremiah Tan (NST June 5).

They asked the same question namely, has our education system failed us? The answer must be "yes" and this modern day education system has in fact, failed the whole world.

The world has built many colleges and universities, yet we have no peace because what we consider as education is but an incomplete one.

Let us ask ourselves these questions: What is education actually? What kind of education is needed? What are the benefits of our modern day education? What is the end of education?

There are two kinds of education, the external and the internal. The external are the facts about the external world, condensed into a book for students to fill their heads with and empty them in examinations.

This "book" knowledge is indeed important for one part of life, which is securing a job and earning a living. However, by receiving this external information, it does not mean that we are educated in the true sense of the word.

Obtaining this external information does not make us a human being. The internal education which springs from the heart should be understood and imparted to students. This internal education could be termed as "culture", which consists of the cultivation of discrimination between good and evil and basic human values such as love, truth, righteousness, peace, devotion, discipline, duty and others.

What kind of education is needed? Education must be a blend of the external and internal in order to create true humanness in a student. External education alone cannot confer human values and benefit the world.

Such a system will remove all evil qualities in a student and we will have a noble person equipped with knowledge to serve society.

To illustrate this point, let us take two scientists as an example. Both of them studied nuclear sciences (external education), but only one had the benefit of an internal education. The scientist who only had an external education goes on to make a nuclear bomb that destroys lives. The other scientist, who acquired external and internal education, uses the nuclear knowledge to help people prosper.

Why do we need such an education? The world is in a bad state because of human activity. This activity is the result of one's thoughts which can be influenced by many external factors. If the thoughts are good, all actions will be good.

What has modern education contributed? We have seen massacres, holocausts, famine, rape, torture, Apartheid, killings and ethnic-cleansing. What is the end of true education? Is it money? Titles? Fame? Glory? Or is it character?

By Ariff Shah R.K, Penang Source: New Straits Times Letters to the Editor 11 June 2012

10 questions for democracy

Just as you can’t have too much health, you can’t have too much democracy.

THIRD World dictator types and others who think people’s legitimate freedom should be limited are often fond of saying that there is too much democracy in the world. They do not know what they talking about but are merely justifying their own actions.

There cannot be too much democracy, just as there can’t be too much health. Democracy is an ideal that everyone but a dictator aims for. Even communist countries known for their undisguised oppression call themselves democratic.

It is an ideal which seeks to ensure that the people in a country are given their rights, treated equitably, given respect and are allowed to freely and fairly choose their leaders in situations where others have to make decisions for them, such as in running a country.

What some leaders, including former prime minister Tun Dr Mahathir Mohamad, are confusing democracy with is the overthrow of a fairly elected government through demonstrations. That is actually undemocratic and is not a situation of too much democracy but too little.

Here’s what Dr Mahathir was reported to have said: “One of these countries has been unable to progress because of too much democracy. No sooner is a government elected (then) the losers would hold demonstrations and general strikes accusing the government of malpractice.”

The key question here is whether the government engaged in malpractice. If it did not, then the demonstrations and strikes will actually be undemocratic because they go against free and fair elections.

Such obfuscation occurs all the time. While most thinking people will agree that democracy permits peaceful assembly (our laws do now), others will go to any length to show that demonstrations cannot be peaceful by behaving accordingly or by abusing the right to peaceful assembly, sometimes in ludicrous ways, butt exercises being but one example.

How democratic a country is can be gauged by answering some questions about its processes. If the 10 questions below are answered largely in the affirmative, then the country can be said to be largely democratic and truly has the interests of the people at heart. If not …

> Is there a sound system to elect leaders fairly?

At the heart of a democracy is a system (even if it is conceptually flawed) that ensures there are free and fair elections to elect our leaders. It is crucial that such a system is beyond reproach and that the possibility of tampering with it is next to nothing.

> Does political representation reflect the popular vote?

The system of parliamentary democracy we inherited from the British is not really a fair one. That’s because it is a first-past-the-post system. In practice, it is possible that slightly over 50% of the popular vote can garner 70% or more of the seats – and it has in the past. Enlightened countries in Europe have introduced some form of proportional representation to handle this.

> Is everyone given an equal right to be heard?

Democracy means that everyone has equal right to be heard by the people. The more this happens and the easier it is for election candidates to communicate with their voters, the more democratic the process.

> Is there freedom of the press and other media?

Freedom of the media and the unfettered right to establish media organisations is a key part of being a democracy because that ensures that different views are expressed, heard and seen by the masses so that they can make more informed decisions.

> Are individual rights protected?

One of the underlying tenets of democracy is the equal protection of all individual rights, no individual’s rights being more important than someone else’s. Central to this ideal is that an individual can do what he reasonably wants so long as he does not infringe on the rights of others.

> Is there protection of minority interests?

Every democracy actively protects the rights of its minorities, including the right to practise their own beliefs and to practise their own way of life. Also, democracies ensure that there is no discrimination of minorities and protect this under the law and enforce it diligently.

> Are differences in opinion tolerated and healthy debate encouraged?

A healthy democracy invites comments and debate on all manner of important issues and takes these into account before adopting a policy and implementing it. The fewer the sacred issues that are beyond discussion, the more democratic a country tends to be. The less the threat against those who offer different opinions, the more democracy there is.

> Is everyone really equal before the law in practice?

Laws are one thing, their enforcement another. The more a country moves towards enforcing the laws uniformly towards all with no regard for race, religion, nationality or position, the more democratic a country is.

> Is corruption practically non-existent and kept on a tight leash?

Corruption gives privilege to those engaging in it and therefore directly thwarts democracy. It is essential for a democracy that it is relatively free of corruption.

> Are there enough independent institutions to ensure broad democracy?

Human nature is frail when it comes to moral uprightness. Power does corrupt and absolute power does corrupt absolutely. That is why, even if the executive is fairly and freely elected, that it is necessary to ensure that institutions, of which the main one is the judiciary, remain independent of the government. That should extend to the civil service, the police and the army.

We must realise that democracy is more – very much more – than a one-man-one-vote system even if that system is clean to ensure that there are no abuses.

It is premised on the rights of an individual to be recognised as the paramount one and to be treated equally under the law.

Democracy is an ideal and a philosophy which means “rule of the masses” in the original Greek. Its tenets are reflected in the entire political and social system of a country through appropriate practices by the government and people in almost every area of its operations.

Most countries in the world, despite what they assert, are not democratic, especially in the Third World.

> Independent writer and consultant P. Gunasegaram likes this quote from Britain’s wartime prime minister Winston Churchill who said in a 1947 speech: “Democracy is the worst form of government except all those other forms that have been tried from time to time.” Note, however, that Churchill, despite his wartime performance, lost in the 1945 general election.

QUESTION TIME By P. GUNASEGARAM t.p.guna@gmail.com Source: The STAR Online Home Columnists Question Time Wednesday June 13, 2012