YEARS from now, most of us will have forgotten what we are wearing, what we have said or what we have done today. For that matter, we will also have forgotten words said to us.
For example, a few years down the road, we will have forgotten harsh words exchanged during a fight with our spouse. However, the pain may be felt for life. Similarly, the things we have done or not done to our kids may affect their teenage and adult years.But there is one thing that we will remember for a long time — the feeling that those words and actions evoked and how they affected us through the day.
On the other hand, a good feeling resulting from sincere words of comfort and compliments will continue to fire up the spirit long after they were given.
CREATING POSITIVE FEELINGS
Such is the power of feelings in determining success or failure in life. People who grow up with positive feelings are far more likely to find happiness compared with those choked by conflicts and emotional pains.
As parents, we are responsible for creating as many positive feelings as possible in our family. And we must start with the adults.
When a spouse leaves for work after a good interaction with the family, a hard day in the office becomes much more bearable. The children will also go to school with confidence and the determination to succeed.
On the other hand, a peaceful day can be destroyed with a single word. When a husband raises his voice to his wife, she will feel that her hard work is not appreciated. Even if he tries to make up for this later with kind words and actions, the bitterness will remain in her heart. Time may heal the wound but till that happens, the ensuing days will be a misery. At work, this will most likely affect productivity and even reputation.
American poet Maya Angelou once said: “People will not remember what you have said and done, but they always remember how you make them feel.”
Positive feelings should be cultivated in everything that we do. Just providing food and shelter is not the prime duty of parenting.
Smart parents will give all these and more. In all they do, they will always ask themselves, “How would this make my spouse and children feel?”
Before they say something, they must think how those words will be received. They will not do things or say words that they themselves wouldn’t like.
It will not be easy especially in a tense situation. But if they know the benefits, they will be willing to take the hard road. They will want to ensure that their kids experience positive feelings, not negative ones. When a conflict arises, they will then be able to deal with it effectively through discussion rather than yelling and losing control.
These parents will not let the pressure of daily life rob them of the greatest opportunity in parenting – to touch the hearts of their family with positive feelings rather than just going through the motions.
Source: The New Straits Times Sunday Life & Times 24 March 2012