kheru2006 (kheru2006) wrote,

Get a life: How much is enough?

IF wealth means being present to the richness and the fullness of the moment and sharing that with each other, then many of us would be considered poor. Just ask lovers how emotionally present their partners are to them and you’d know what I’m referring to.

If wealth means courage, confidence and freedom, how rich are you?

I’m beginning my year engaged in further competency training. I’m pursuing more credentials. I’m working to build new alliances. I’m setting new boundaries, creating new terms of reference, and organising best practices — around my relationships, my finances and my professional life.

Having loads of money doesn’t mean that you are ‘wealthy’ inside.

I’ve asked myself, “How do these activities fit my core values and highest intentions? How many of my choices are expressions of fear? For what I expect to have, how much am I looking outside of myself?”

If you’re like most people, you would’ve crossed over into 2013 with thoughts of what you want more of — hours in your day, sleep at night, health and fitness, money to spend and perhaps even more work!
Who’s ever pretty, educated, successful or appreciated enough?

The moment we wake up, most of us are already thinking about what we don’t have, how we are inadequate, and all we must do to catch up and compete, or be left behind. What we lack becomes our excuse for why we cannot produce, why we blame, complain and feel bad.

Think about it. As we turn our negative thoughts against ourselves (I’m a loser. I’m afraid I’ll fail. I’m not good enough), we self-sabotage. We’re the cause of our own circumstance! When our needs go unmet, our energy and vitality suffer.

A video of a homeless boy, Choi Sung-bong, who sang at the reality show Korea’s Got Talent, brought tears to my eyes (>tZ46Ot4_lLo). By simply answering his calling despite the odds, he won the everyone’s heart.

Is sufficiency only about money? I believe sufficiency is an experience that demands a declaration that there is enough, that we are enough — just as we are. When we fully accept who we are and what we have, the need to posture for approval goes away. The need to prove something goes away. All effort towards “more” is to enjoy deeper meaning and a finer quality of fulfillment and inner joy.

What a relief! How can we “arrive” if we keep thinking more is better? How much self-worth do you have if you measure your success against your net worth?

In terms of pay, how many of us find it difficult to ask for what we’re worth? Have you ever been reluctant to ask for a raise, or chosen to suffer the status quo because you’ve been afraid to assert yourself about money? Who dislikes addressing terms and conditions upfront, and then almost always face arguments and disagreements later? What do you think that’s about?

Mother Earth overflows with abundance. Scarcity and shortage exist only as intellectual concepts. Sir Bob Geldof raised millions with Food Aid but did that abolish world hunger? Today, babies still die of starvation in Africa.

Humanitarians have been pleading for transformation. What if it were a “You AND Me” world, instead of a “You OR Me” world? What if we lived by the principle, “It’s OUR world?

We have enough — food, water, land, and wisdom. Wasn’t it Walt Disney who said, “If we can dream it, we can do it?”

Well, what if nobody had to go without? Applied throughout our social structures, couldn’t we build systems where we all prosper?

Using traffic as a metaphor, let’s drive so all get home safely. Apply to teams — we all succeed, we all get promoted, we all get a raise. Apply to classrooms — work so everyone scores well.

We must all work together — in partnership — as one. Or there will be disequilibrium. So what’s stopping us?

The societal effect of massive food aid showed that the people on the receiving end became more disabled and more impoverished. Over time, those receiving handouts began to feel helpless as they began to believe that they couldn’t build a life for themselves. Over time, those communities became more and more ineffective.

So I invite you to examine your lack and question your chase for more. Why not take all that energy and invest it in all that you already have. The idea is to recognise that better is not more, but better is more meaning to what’s already there.

Children with no drive

MY children have no drive or ambition. I can see their potential and how their gifts are going untapped but they are wandering aimlessly as if without direction. It’s like they are switched off to the world and not bothered to challenge themselves. What can I do to kick-start their engines?

WHAT does drive and ambition look like to you? How would you recognise when your children are switched on to the world? What behaviour would they be demonstrating that lets you know they are challenging themselves and going in a certain direction as opposed to wandering aimlessly?

I’m guessing your perspective is love and caring when saying all this. I’m thinking that as their mother you want the best for your children. How have you been communicating this so far? What needs to be said that confirms your loving frame of mind and that you want very much for your family to succeed — lead happy and fulfilled lives?

If someone were to check with your children, would they be told that they’ve understood where their mother was coming from? I’m just saying — because any kind of advice — giving or support, needs to happen in a framework of mutual respect for it to stick. The best conditions for openness, cooperation, and best effort is when there’s trust, mutual respect, and sincerity; a completely non-threatening, empowering environment.
What could you do to enable your children to catch a vision of themselves living their best life? How would you share your vision of them living their potential?

Attracted to bad boys

I’m attracted to “bad” boys. I’ve asked my friends married to “nice” men if their partners are sexy and satisfying but they just roll their eyes. You can imagine I’ve had my share of problems. The way I’m going, am I “settling down” material or will I be left on the shelf? Well, at least I’m having fun!

YOU certainly don’t need my permission to have fun! What’s that saying... what’s good for the goose may not be good for the gander? Your question to me is if you’re “settling down” material. How can I answer without a clear definition of “settling down?” You mean “the marrying type?” “Marrying type” for whom?

 Actually I cannot imagine what type of problems you’ve had. Isn’t it all “relative,” after all? For the sexy, satisfying and fun you’ve got, what’s a little trouble here and there! Isn’t the trouble part of the attraction?

 So, here’s my take on this. Your question is not one anyone can answer. There is no right answer to your question, “Will I be left on the shelf?” If you ask me in a different way, say, “Will I remain unmarried because of my choice of men?” my response would still be the same. If anyone gave you an answer it would arise from their personal viewpoint, their generalisation of men, women, culture — the world at large.

Tessie Lim Sunday Life Times 13 January 2013 
Tags: life

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