Tags: friends

Kenalan, rakan, kawan dan sahabat — Azizi Ahmad

15 SEPT — Allah mencipta makhluk di atas muka bumi ini berpasang-pasangan dan tidak akan hidup bersendirian dan manusia yang tidak boleh lari daripada berkawan dan menjadi kawan kepada seseorang.

Jika ada manusia yang tidak suka atau melarang orang lain daripada berkawan, mereka dianggap ganjil dan tidak memenuhi ciri sebagai seorang manusia normal.

Itulah antara hikmah kenapa Allah mencipta manusia daripada berbagai bangsa, bahasa dan warna kulit.

Firman Allah dalam surah al-Hujurat ayat 13, yang bermaksud: “Wahai umat manusia! Sesungguhnya Kami menciptakan kamu daripada lelaki dan perempuan, dan Kami menjadikan kamu berbagai bangsa dan berpuak-puak, supaya kamu berkenal-kenalan (dan beramah mesra antara satu sama lain). Sesungguhnya semulia-mulia kamu di sisi Allah ialah orang lebih bertakwa. Sesungguhnya Allah maha mengetahui, lagi maha mendalam pengetahuan-Nya.”

Kenalan mungkin wujud sebagai rakan siber yakni mengenali seseorang itu dalam bentuk atau identiti tertentu atau mereka yang pernah berinteraksi dengan kita tetapi tidak dapat mengesahkan identiti kewujudan sebenarnya.

Kita perlu berwaspada dengan kenalan siber kerana mereka tidak semestinya orang yang sama dikenali di internet yang boleh meluahkan perasaan dan masalah mereka menerusi ruangan kemudahan interaksi di internet. Berkenalan boleh memberi kebaikan menerusi perkongsian pendapat, idea dan penyelesaian masalah.

Rakan ialah perantaraan antara kawan dan kenalan yang berkongsi minat, kerjaya, hobi, permainan, kelas, matlamat dan sebagainya dalam satu organisasi seperti persatuan, kelab, syarikat, pertubuhan dan sebagainya.

Rakan biasanya orang yang boleh mewujudkan kerjasama. Contohnya belajar bersama, membuat tugasan berkumpulan, bekerjasama dalam pasukan permainanan dan rakan mengadakan mesyuarat untuk organisasi dan sebagainya.

Ada rakan yang boleh dianggap sebagai sahabat, kawan, atau hanya sekadar kenalan.

Kawan pula ialah seorang yang boleh berkongsi lebih dari satu perkara seperti minat, hobi, perasaan, perjuangan dan sebagainya biar pun bukan dari organisasi yang sama, sering berinteraksi dengan kita dan mengenali beberapa fakta peribadi mengenainya.

Kawan biasanya terjadi apabila seseorang itu menemui individu lain, yang memiliki persamaan seperti sikap, tabiat dan pemikiran yang sama dengan dirinya. Kita selalunya memiliki masa untuk bersama, berkongsi kesedihan dan tetapi tidak akan pergi lebih jauh daripada itu. Malah, sekiranya tidak sependapat, hubungan kawan mungkin boleh terputus.

Sahabat adalah orang yang memiliki rasa tanggungjawab terhadap diri kita, tetapi tidak memiliki hubungan darah, bukan terdiri daripada adik-beradik tetapi berupaya mewujudkan hubungan yang mirip hubungan persaudaraan yang banyak memberi manfaat dan kebaikan kepada kita bersama.

Sahabat adalah seorang yang setiakawan, penjaga, pelindung, pembantu dalam kesusahan, meredakan kesedihan , menghilangkan kebimbangan, berasa selamat dan sanggup berjuang demi kebaikan kita.

Sahabat adalah orang yang mampu menyimpan rahsia dan keaiban kita, yang menyayangi kita, tidak semestinya memiliki minat atau pendapat yang sama, tetapi mereka akan sentiasa ada apabila kita memerlukannya.

“Sebaik-baik sahabat di sisi Allah ialah orang yang terbaik terhadap temannya dan sebaik-baik jiran di sisi Allah ialah orang yang terbaik terhadap jirannya” (Hadis riwayat al-Hakim).

Carilah teman baik yang dapat membantu. Teman paling baik ialah apabila kita melihat wajahnya, kita akan teringat kepada Allah, mendengar kata-katanya menambahkan ilmu agama, melihat gerak-gerinya kita akan mengingati mati.

* Azizi Ahmad adalah seorang pendidik. The Malaymail Online Projek MMO Pendapat Thursday September 15, 2016 2:40 PM GMT+8

** Ini merupakan pendapat peribadi penulis dan tidak semestinya mewakili pendapat The Malay Mail Online.

The pull of the 'teh tarik'

The 24-hour mamak shops are very much a part of Malaysian life for people to gather and chit-chat the night away.

NOT many are aware that in a bustling city like Sydney, the popular shopping precincts are open only from 9am to 5.30pm, except on Thursdays when many shops stay open until about 9pm.

So, you can imagine why Malaysians based in Sydney like to shop till they drop each time they are back here, as our malls are bustling with life until at least 10pm every day.


It’s the same with their eateries where late-night eating just does not happen.

Now, we can understand why our 24-hour mamak shops are such an attraction, not only to Malaysians who have migrated, but also to tourists and local Malaysians.

I have a family member who migrated to Australia many years ago and each time he visits, either alone on work or with the family, the first thing he will draw up is the teh tarik schedule.

Every night, without fail, there must be a hangout at a teh tarik joint. And of course, we will always joke with him at such gatherings and ask how he can possibly survive in a place like Sydney where the only tea he can have after 8pm is what his wife brews for him at home.

The 24-hour mamak shop has become an iconic part of our culture because it serves cheap food, at all hours, which can be consumed by anyone of any race, and with any dietary preference.

I have a regular group of former colleagues and we are as muhibbah as they come, and there are also vegetarians in the group. So, what better place to meet than at the 24-hour mamak shop?

I have noticed that the typical crowds at such joints are not only multi-racial, but they also include families; it is nice to see a large group comprising elderly grandparents to very young toddlers.

Occasionally, you will also see policemen taking a break and enjoying their nasi lemakand roti canai with the teh tarik. I doubt you can see such a scenario anywhere else in the world.

So, I am really glad that good sense has prevailed and the Prime Minister has reassured us that existing rules will not be changed, and we can continue to patronise these outlets anytime, day or night.

If there is one thing that really draws Malaysians together, it must surely be our love for food.

In a diverse country like ours, we get to not only savour food that is culturally linked to us, but also feast on the delicacies of our fellow Malaysians.

I love my Peranakan dishes as much as I love other ethnic cuisines. Even within the Chinese community, there is much diversity among the dialect groups.

When I first met my wife, the Hakka food the family served was quite different from the Penang fare that I grew up on. But when you are courting, everything tastes wonderful.

But to really get a flavour of multi-cultural Malaysia, there is nothing like the mamak stall where you can find good company and free flow of drinks.

My wife sets only one condition for me when I go for a late night teh tarik rendezvous. No tea or coffee or you won’t be able to sleep, she reminds me. Well, milo kosong is fine with me, too.

A friend in need is a friend indeed

As we pass through life, we will make hundreds of acquaintances, but we will have few real friends.

THIS is the year when I should retire and withdraw my EPF savings, if not for the retirement age having been raised to 60. It is the landmark Double-Five year for those born in 1959.

Over the Chinese New Year season, many reunions were celebrated, including events with people whose friendship goes back all the way to Standard One.

During those gatherings, many of us were marking out dates in our calendar for Double-Five birthday get-togethers throughout the year.

At a recent lunch, one old friend remarked that his sons thought it was “weird” that he still had friends from that era.

In our world today, where the young ones are more connected to gadgets than real people, such long-term friendships may be harder to maintain.

At gatherings of primary school friends, we invariably come to the same conclusion – that friendships forged in our earliest years have a bond that last a lifetime.

I always enjoy such gatherings because our current positions don’t matter at all as we look back to those innocent days when we learnt and played together.

Life moved at a slower pace, and no one was engrossed with their smart phone or rushing off to go for tuition.

I am more wary of gatherings where the word “networking” is hovering in the background.

Here, our name cards are scrutinised for important titles and money-making possibilities.

Heartwarming sharing is the exception rather than the norm.

When I was a home-maker, there were many awkward moments as the opening question would always be about where I worked.

I had fun dishing out home-made namecards that proudly proclaimed myself as “Full Time Househus­­­band” but I think not all my friends were amused.

The women reacted differently. Those who were in the workforce felt uncomfortable, while those who were home-makers wanted me to share my stories with their ever busy husbands.

As we pass through this life, we will make hundreds and even thousands of acquaintances, but we will have few real friends.

In fact, if you develop two or three genuine friendships during your lifetime, you are a blessed person indeed.

Do you have a friend who sticks closer to you than a brother?

A friend who encourages, builds you up, and prods you along through good and tough times?

Do you have a friend who is honest with you – one who is prepared to say “no” even when everyone else is rah-rahing you to go in one direction?

If you are in the workforce, do you realise how friends desert you when you are no longer in a certain position, not unlike some politicians?

These are the so-called fair-weather friends who are not prepared to be loyal and persevere through the difficult times with you.

At times like these, you don’t actually lose friends, but you discover who your true friends are.

Soo Ewe Jin (ewejin@thestar.com.my) is thankful for the friends who have journeyed with him through many storms and hopes to be such a friend to others. The STAR Sunday Starters Home Opinion Columnist 16/02/2014

Even families are drifting apart

I WAS not surprised to read Vinis-waran Kannan’s letter “True friends are hard to find” (The Star, Feb 8).

True friends are like gems, they are hard to find. But fair-weather friends are aplenty who are with you when times are good but will desert you when you are down and out.

Times are changing, people are busy with their own lives and hardly have time to interact with their friends since schooldays.

I notice too that not only are true friends difficult to find but even you tend to lose touch with your own flesh and blood after your parents are gone.

Parents, especially mothers, are like glue who keeps the family together as more often than not all the children will visit their parents during weekends to foster good bonding among family members.

Once the glue is not there, everybody seems to be preoccupied with their own families.

The only time you see them are during festive time, weddings or funerals and as you grow older, you tend to see them more during funerals rather than weddings.

Gone are the days when you kept in touch with your siblings, cousins, uncles and aunts by visiting them from time to time.

For the younger generation, their close “friends” are the smartphones, Facebook and the Internet where cyberspace rules without physically meeting face-to-face.

How sad, but true.

HAMDAN IBRAHIM Kuala Lumpur The STAR Online Opinion 12 February 2013

True friends are hard to find

TRUE friends are hard to come by these days. Nowadays people also do not allocate time to catch up with old friends.

Sometimes our friends don’t seem to even call to say “Hi”. This is so in busy big cities.

But if your friend calls and says he wants to meet you, there might most likely be a big surprise waiting when you meet.

The surprises could be either your friend is getting married and wants to give you the invitation card or he could be in the multi-level marketing (MLM) business that he wants you to join.

Then there could be business opportunities, products or services that your friend wants to introduce and eventually persuade you to purchase or join.

Recently, I received a call from a friend who had not contacted me for about 10 years.

When I asked the reason he wanted to meet me he said he had a business opportunity for me.

Most friends want to meet with a self-benefitting reason behind them. They are rarely interested in keeping in touch as friends, but if they want to meet it will be because they need something from you.

I realise that friendship today is more of a “motive-oriented friendship”. One of the primary reasons for this is due to the rapid increase in cost of living in our country.

This has made people to become very self-centred and always looking for some extra cash to live more comfortably

There are true friends, but they are small in number.

VIGNESWARAN KANNAN Sitiawan The STAR Online Opinion Friday February 8, 2013

Sometimes we need to disconnect to truly connect

IT’S always fun when a bunch of city slickers heads into the jungle. More so when all connections to the outside world are cut off – no TV, no Internet, and horror of horrors, no cellphone signal.

A small group of us, some with young children in tow, had been planning a trip to a jungle retreat on the outskirts of Gopeng for some time.

The resthouse is nestled right in the heart of the jungle on a two-hectare site which the owner, Adeline Kuo, slowly developed over the years. The durian trees were in full bloom but she assured us that “durians have eyes, and will not drop on our heads”.

Our plan was to enjoy the nearby waterfall in Ulu Geroh and get up close and personal with the Rafflesia, the world’s biggest and stinkiest flower.

We were so thankful that the waterfall was just a short distance away, kept in pristine condition by orang asli in the village nearby.

Some of us still have vivid memories of our last jungle trek in search of a waterfall in Ulu Langat that took us nearly five hours. Our leader then described it as a stroll in the park but to us, it was pure torture.

There were other outdoor activities available, including white water rafting, but we were quite content to just take in the scenery and enjoy the solitude of being away from the urban jungle.

The following day, we went hiking. We were accompanied by three orang asli guides, two of them women, and I felt rather embarrassed that while I was huffing and puffing all the way up, they were just, well, taking a stroll in the park.

There was only one Rafflesia in bloom but we were all happy to be able to see it. It smelt terrible and the size was relatively small. Apparently, the huge ones are the species found in Borneo, not on the peninsula.

In the spirit of what I have shared often in this column, I saw the weekend getaway as a journey, not a destination.

We took our time on the trek, soaking in the wealth of information offered by the guides as they expounded on the value of the plants along the way.

The aborigines use different plants for everything from curing jaundice in newborn babies to chasing away spirits that threaten their crops.

There was much to observe along the way. The orang asli houses were basically wooden structures and the villagers still fish and bathe in the river.

We spotted satellite dishes on some houses, which made one member of the group remark that he should have come by to watch the Arsenal-Tottenham match instead of having to sing to us, accompanied by his son on the guitar, after dinner.

In the two days we were together as a group, there was real conversation going on. The smartphones were dead silent and there was no rush to check email every five minutes.

On Tuesday, a report in this newspaper revealed that Malaysians are among the world’s biggest workaholics, with almost 90% of the workforce working even when they are on holiday.

According to Expedia’s 2012 Vacation Depri-vation Survey, Malaysia was fourth on the list, after India, Brazil and Italy, with employees who cannot seem to “let go” of their work even during vacations.

Well, we certainly let go of our work last weekend. And I am pretty sure the office survived pretty well without us.


Deputy executive editor Soo Ewe Jin woke up extra early to watch the sunrise at the retreat and was reminded of the opening lines of that famous poem by William Henry Davies, “What is this life if, full of care; We have no time to stand and stare.” The STAR Online Columnist Sunday 25 November 2012 

People who are friends in good and bad times are priceless

THE MAS-Air Asia alliance remains very much the talk of Corporate Malaysia. In the many analyses so far, the recurring theme seems to be about how erstwhile enemies are going to work together as friends.


My colleague used the Sun Tzu quote, “Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer,” to lead off the cover feature on the deal in StarBizWeek on Aug 13. Somewhere in the story, there is this quote by Tony Fernandes: “You don’t have to be an enemy forever, life is too short.”


Actually, there is not that much that separates the corporate world and politics as far as alliances are concerned.


In politics, it is said that there are no permanent friends, only permanent interests. Politicians are fond of referring to their adversaries as “strange bedfellows” but will not hesitate to climb into the same bed if it suits their interests.


In the world of high-finance, bitter rivals can easily sleep on in the same bed, so long as it is good for the bottom line.


For some business people, however, friendship is not a word that exists in their vocabulary. Many good friends who go into business together learn the hard way that years of friendship count for nothing once the business issues get into the way.


A friend told me once that he will never hire me, or ask me to be his business partner, simply because he values our friendship too much.


I once met a man at a hospital as he was dying. He told me how he had pursued wealth and success at any cost. If a family member or close friend went against him, he would not spare them any mercy.


“But look at me now. I do not have long to live. But if I recover, I will surely be a different person. I will seek the forgiveness of those I have hurt. I will forgive others. I will give back to society. I will try not to be so nasty to people,” he said.


I was there to bring him a message from a former business partner who was somehow not able to bring himself to see him personally. He told me to tell him that he did not hold anything against him and to wish him well.


Tears came to his eyes. “I wish he would come and tell me this personally. I have done so much harm to him and his business. But he still thinks of me and is concerned for me.” I told him, “I hope and pray that you will both meet up and forgive each other.” They never did. He died one week later.


I was thinking about friendship this past week after a friend posted on his Facebook this simple reflection: “It has been said that everlasting friends go long periods of time without speaking and never question the friendship. These friends pick up like they just spoke yesterday, regardless of how long it has been or how far away they live; they don’t hold grudges. They understand that life is busy and know that you will always love them.”


Whether we want to admit it or not, sheer numbers of acquaintances in itself is no reflection of the number of real friends we have. Just ask anyone previously in a high position who has retired and he will tell you about the sense of “abandonment” that one feels sometimes.


Suddenly, no one is free for lunch or for teh tarik, one such person told me recently.


This is not to say that it is not possible to have real friends within working relationships. But it can only come about if we are genuinely concerned about the person, and not just the title he or she holds.


And the test of that friendship will come when you are going through a difficult journey, and he is there for you.




Deputy executive editor Soo Ewe Jin is thankful for friends, near and far, new and old, who bring that special touch into his life, through good and bad times.



Source: Monday Starters - By Soo Ewe Jin Monday August 22, 2011

Social Networking Connections – to Accept or Not, That Is the Question

 “Blessed is the influence of one true, loving soul over another.”—George Eliot. When it comes to accepting friends and connections for your business through social media, discrimination is critical.

What do you do when people invite you to connect with them on LinkedIn or invite you to become a fan on Facebook? Do you accept any and all invitations that you receive just to gather large numbers of people in your online communities or do you only accept invitations from people with whom you have a genuine and solid connection?

This is a highly controversial issue and one that deserves a great deal of discussion and examination. The viewpoint that is discussed in this article is that of CompuKol Communications. The viewpoints of others will be presented here as well in order to show fair balance.

Many social media channels, including LinkedIn, for example, advise that you only accept invitations when you know the inviter and want them to be a part of your network. You should accept invitations when you:

Want to stay connected to the person inviting you.

Find the inviter credible and trustworthy.

Have had some direct connection with the inviter.

Are very well acquainted with the inviter’s work and feel that there is a potential to work together in some capacity.

If you don’t really know the inviter, you should either ask him or her for more information about why he or she wants to connect with you or ignore the invitation altogether.


Quantity without quality, especially when it comes to your business, does not have a great deal of value. There is no point in gathering people if you will never have any sort of relationship with them on an ongoing basis after the initial connection. You should be connected with people only if those connections bring value to both sides.

Relationships are the foundation of the success of your business. Before anyone will do business with you, they must get to know you as a business person, learn that they can trust you and find your credibility to be rock solid. On your side, if you want a meaningful relationship with others, you must consistently strive to fulfill their needs and provide them with valuable information that will help them to solve their problems.

Your online network is very important to you and your business. You need to make sure that you never do or say anything that will jeopardize the strength of your network and how you treat those people who are a part of that network. You have worked long and hard to build and maintain relationships. The last thing that you want to do is cause them to disappear.

On the other side, there are many people who are willing to accept everyone who requests that they become an online connection. There are many people who feel that merely by the fact that you are connected to social media channels, you have the capability of creating a global network on a scale that wasn’t possible 5 years ago.

Sometimes those people will try to get to know others with whom they have not had any face-to-face interaction through forums, Email and social media channels that they share. The opinion there is that if you don’t connect because you don’t know those people personally, you are defeating the purpose of social media sites in general.

There is a third school of thought that says that people who invite others to connect do so with some caution. One of the driving criteria is that there must be something between the two parties of mutual benefit and value. If accepting invitations from people just to acquire a higher volume of connections, it may not help your credibility and your business.

What Is a Relationship?

A relationship is normally perceived as a connection between two individuals. Individuals can also have relationships with groups of people, such as the relationship between a rabbi and his congregation, and uncle and a family or a mayor and a town. Online relationships coexist simultaneously within many online communities or groups.

Fans vs Friends vs Business Connections

When using social media channels such as Facebook for business, it is important to understand what it means to be a fan as well as understanding the difference between a fan, a friend and a business connection.

Fans

According to Wikipedia, a fan is someone with an intense, occasionally overwhelming liking and enthusiasm for something. Fans of a particular thing or person constitute its fan base. Fans often show enthusiasm by starting a fan club, holding fan conventions, creating fanzines, writing fan mail, or promoting the object of their interest and attention. Fans are accepted automatically, without any screening process.

A good analogy here is a celebrity who has no control over who becomes his or her fans. Typical social networks where this model is used are Facebook fans and Twitter followers.

Friends

The definition of a friend is more complicated and falls under the category of interpersonal relationships. A friendship or interpersonal relationship is a relationship between two or more people. It may last a very long time or may be brief. Interpersonal relationships take place in many contexts, such as family, friends, marriage, associates, work, clubs, neighborhoods, and churches. They may be regulated by law, custom, or mutual agreement and are the basis of social groups and society as a whole.

A typical social network where this model is used is Facebook friends. In this case, the connection with your friends is personal and you should not accept anyone to be your friend unless you have that personal connection. If someone whom you don’t know invites you to be his or her friend, in order to create the personal connection, which may result in a friendship, both parties need to learn more about each other first.

Business Connections/Relationships

Business connections are a broad spectrum of inter-business relationships associated with providing and consuming knowledge and services. Online business connections emphasize the emergence of social networks as a primary medium through which business relationships are conducted.

Typical social networks where this model is used are LinkedIn, Biznik, Ryze, etc. You need to have established a mutual knowledge of the person with whom you are creating this business relationship. If someone whom you don’t know invites you to connect with them professionally, you need to establish that both parties are able to fulfill the other’s needs first. Although the needs of both parties may not always be apparent initially, both parties will always have some need that must be fulfilled.

How you value business relationships and how you develop them, whether in-person or online, also extends to referring other vendors to your trusted customers. If your customers need something that you are not able to provide them with, you should feel comfortable referring them to vendors whom you have come to know and trust through business. This will serve to strengthen your credibility further and your customers will want to continue to do business with you.

It will never be enough of a reason to refer a new vendor to one of your customers simply because the vendor has expressed to you a feeling of wanting to increase his or her business. You will have to really get to know that vendor well enough first to be able to trust his or her credibility and integrity. Before you connect the vendor with your valued customers, you need to be absolutely certain that your customers will be satisfied with the products and services that the vendor offers. In other words, the other vendor is an extension of you and your business.

If you treat your online relationships (and in-person relationships) delicately, you will be rewarded for your efforts. The more integrity you display, the stronger your relationships will be. Networking and continuing to build relationships is one of the most effective ways to increase business as long as you do it the proper way.

You have to put a great deal of effort into your relationships, which will usually have a tremendous amount of rewards that go with the hard work. Even though your ultimate goal is to increase business, it is important to concentrate on what is essential along the way. That is building strong, meaningful relationships. The rest will follow. It is, of course, very important to remember that relationships take some time to develop. Nothing meaningful happens overnight.

Conclusion

When approached to connect with people you don’t know on social media channels, it is a good idea to have a scripted Email with which to respond. You should thank them for inviting you to connect with them but, at the same time, you should ask them why they want to connect with you and ask them to tell you a little more about themselves and how you might be able to help each other.

You will see that some will never be heard from again but others will respond to you with more information and that will be the beginning of new and meaningful relationships. This approach really combines all schools of thought on whether to accept new business connections.

Extra Conclusion

1. Don't accept people which you don't really know
2. Don't accept people which don't have pictures or photo of him or herself
3. Don't accept people which don't have e-mail address 
4. Delete people who don't portray their real photos
5. Delete people who don't communicate with you at all after 90 days
6. Delete people who you think is 'opportunist', where they will be nice to you if they want something from you 
7. Delete people who doesn't share with you but yet they want you to share with them
8. Just DELETE them as you will not lose them as friends
9. Just DELETE them as they will not know unless they use "WHO HAD DELETED YOU FROM FACEBOOK or BLOGS or WHO HAD BLOCKED YOU FROM THEIR LIST" application.
10. OR Just let them stay in your list but just IGNORE them and just keep on with your REAL friends
 

We are pleased to provide you with the insightful comments contained herein. Please contact us at CompuKol Communications for further discussion on how we might be able to assist you and your team.


Source : Compukol Connections